Helpful Hints

Children need genuine presence, touch, eye contact and playfulness to activate that natural resource of dopamine within their brains. When we spend time connecting with our child, we can support the attachment system and give them “hits” of dopamine at the same time! It appears the dopamine system can be ‘jump started’ with games like peek-a-boo, patty cake, and blowing raspberries. Try these silly games with your child! They are a good thing!

Temper Tantrums

The core skill that will help you through a temper tantrum is keeping your cool. Your upset will only fuel your child’s fire. Instead, use active calming techniques such as deep breathing to help manage these difficult, but developmentally normal fits. As in any conflict situation, focus on what you want your child to do, model this behavior or state yourself, and notice any hint of success. In terms of tantrums, the behavior or state of being that you want from your child is “calm.” Your job is to focus on “calm” and model calmness yourself. This may sound particularly difficult in the face of a screaming 3-year-old, but can we really expect a 3-year-old to keep his cool if we can’t stay cool ourselves? Here’s an example: Your toddler wants some candy he’s spied in the pantry. You say, “No.” He crashes to the floor, screaming. You're feeling angry,  exhausted and at your wits end (like we all currently are 😉). You feel like everyone’s “virtually” looking at you. First, take three deep breaths to help calm the stress response in your body. Then, discipline yourself with the internal affirmation “I’m safe. Keep breathing. I can handle this.” You’ve just set the internal foundation needed to teach your child how to handle frustration and become calm! Now you can address your upset child. Be encouraging. Get down at eye level with him and say, "You can handle this. Breathe with me. You're safe." Scoop him up, hold him in your arms and breathe deeply with him. When his body relaxes a little, say, “There you go, you’re calming down.” Then tell him he has a choice, "You can have a banana or a fruit cup. It’s your choice. You get to choose." Once he makes his choice, celebrate your success together, "You did it! You calmed yourself down and that's hard to do." -Conscious Discipline by Dr. Becky Bailey 

Child development

Before age six, children process information 12 times slower than adults. We must slow down our speech and give only one or two commands at a time. If we speak at a normal pace and say, “Finish your snack, get your crayons and go color in the TV room.” The child may only process bits of information, hearing “crayons color the TV.” Food for thought!

Resilience

"Whatever you want the children you care for to get out of their physical lives, resilience will be a part of it. Learning from mistakes, shaking off upsets, feeling ready to give something a try – resilience gives children access to the best that physical play can offer." So writes Jarrod Green in his book, I’m Ok! Building Resilience Through Physical Play. Here's one tip he offers that can help children feel in control after they’ve gotten a bump or scrape: "Balance the child’s need for comfort with his need for resilience by putting the child in control of the recovery process. Don't tell the child how to feel better...ask him. ‘What’s going to help you feel better?’ It’s an incredibly powerful question. It builds self-confidence, because it shows you believe in his ability to self-regulate. Though if you ask too early in the process the child may not be done feeling upset...Choose your moment carefully. Sometimes a child won't know what will help him feel better, so you might give choices: 'Do you want to go get a Band-Aid, or would you rather just sit and rest for a few minutes?”